PEOPLE ARE WATCHING

 

Recalling one event and observing my child growing up, my mind expands in this subject that I’m laying out for our interpretation.

One day as a young boy, I got interested in theatre. Some friends called me to play in one of their events. They gave me my part. I have learned it; I’ve played it in front of the mirror and finally performed it. I’ve even played in front of my family members. They were all so touched that they’ve decided to take the time to come to the event. They have even managed to have some front seats. The glorious moment arrived, and I made my way to the stage. But there, standing, my feet trembled, my hands were shaking, I had difficulties in breathing, Fear took all over me at the first sight of those eyes from the crowd staring at me.

One day, already grown up as I was entering the room I ‘ve stepped on a banana peel and fell flat on my back at the same time my trousers betrayed me with a huge opening in front so that my underwear was brought to my colleagues’ contemplation. There, I was with all the difficulties to recollect myself. People were staring at me. Some started laughing Immediately, some seemed waiting for the go ahead before laughing too. At the end they were all laughing.  I slowly picked myself up and with my head down, walked out of the place by putting on a shameful laugh to blend in too.

Later, as a father, my son was running around the house at full speed. Asking him to stop was of no use. As he was running fast, he fell. Looking around to see if I was going to pick him up, he couldn’t find my eyes because I was looking elsewhere (in Africa, they say if a child falls unless it is serious, do not look at him nor shout). So, he picked himself up and crawled to my open arms, sat down for a while and up he was at it again, no tears were shared.

 Another time while celebrating his birthday, he started running again. I gave up asking him to stop. Of course, he fell again, as he was falling almost everybody shouted. My son raising his head met everybody’s eyes staring down on him and burst into tears. He sat there, crying waiting for us to pick him up. Well, we had to oblige in order to have some peace. He cried for a while and up, he was at it again.

So what changed?

From the moment I’ve made my speech to my parents and on the stage? The stage? No, because my friends and I have trained there too. We were chilling and had a great time. What changed then?

The room was empty.

Why was I so afraid? Why did all these people that came to support me, to enjoy my performance generated fear in me? Why was I so bothered by the presence of the same people for whom I have so long prepared myself? Why are you so scared too? Is it because People are watching?

 

What changed? My son has fallen many other times and never cried unless he hurt himself. Why did he feel like crying? People were watching?

I guess that at this point, you’ve got what I was aiming at. A young boy sitting with his mom on the bench of the bus stop started out the blue singing. The mom shouted at him. Stop it, people are watching”. He shut up. Do you expert this boy to feel free to be himself around people tomorrow? He grows up to be a closed window of a beautiful palace that no one knows what it contains. The beauty/ugly gets locked up and sometimes the key is even lost. Hence, we grow up with so many restrictions. The people surrounding us intimidate us. After 20 years of study and preparation we choked during a work interview. The same work we’ve been preparing for so long. Why are we so scared?

Is it growing up a process of inducing social anxiety disorder?  This is highly paralyzing because is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and other daily activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends. Why not simply educate alternatively?

I know that you might have heard a lot of things about fear. I’ve heard one recently that I find tremendously true: “the person who thinks of a future event fearfully experienced in his being at the present moment the same feelings and torture as if the things he fears come to happen”. So, with fear we regret what we did not do out of fear of negative outcomes. Fear rubs us off today, paralyzes us in front of the future.

As once Winston Churchill said: “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”

 My boy is coming up, so the bar is set for me to lift him up. As for me, I try:

·       To practice self-awareness, Paying attention to my why and what.

·       Learning to do what I feel good about,

·       Not to worry about what people may thing that is good or bad, nor if they like,

Matter of fact if I must please one person, meaning myself. I might succeed. But if I must please people around me, I might lose myself.

Social anxiety rubs us, rubs humanity because we fear to be thus we never become. We may have been victims of unwise love but let not forget: